Nothing to report on the adoption home front

So here is something funny to make you laugh


Well each time I think I am on my way to the SOS Office there is a little snag foo that pops up, well this one is an easy fix, I have waited over a week for a last and final form to come from my HS agency, which she promised I should have on Monday, I hope that the mailman delivers it today, being the agency is so close to where I live. If I had done my HW a bit more, I don't know if I would have gone w/an angency that only has part-time workers. It makes like really hard when you need to contact people who are key players in your HS process. All week a form has sat on the desk of the supervisor, who was out of the office all last week and her co-workers had no idea she was going to be out, and at the alarming rate of people leaving this agency made me worry, that maybe another one had bit the dusk. She was the only one that could sign off on this form. Well the form has been signed she said I should get it no later than Monday, but it makes me think that if there is a next time, I need to find an agency that atleast has a full time supervisor or director that is there 5 days a week during normal work hours and can make things happen w/o the entire team being there at work. I don't think I hit to many snags along the way as far as the HS is concerned, but the ones I did hit, did make me sweat.I would have most likely had my dossier certified by now but the director of Hope wanted another form added after he went over my dossier w/the HS agency. I am happy he did call me right before the 4th of July holiday, b/c he is now in Ethiopia, sitting in on every court case until August 1, 2008 to make sure the families make it through court.....I have nothing but praises for this man.........this is just not a business, his heart, and devotion is so big.....I can't stop thanking GOD that I was lead to such an agency.

Anyway, if plans continue to go the way I want them to go, I should be at the SOS on Tuesday at 9AM beating the workers there :)

The Touch, Feel and Distinctive Look Of A Mother's Hands!!!

No not my hands, but my daughter's birth mothers hands!

Going to ET w/one or shall I say two purposes in mind, could have never really prepared me for the way this story and journey would continue to unfold!  

Landed in ET on a Wednesday (Aug. 5th), found out that day I had a court date and could attend the hearing on that Monday.  I thought to myself how exciting. Never crossed my mom that that birth mom to "our: daughters would also be there.

Day of court......

I was caught off guard, as I sat in the pew next to the last one, looking at her as she entered the court room w/the rep from the agency.  It  just took my breath away, one look and  I knew it was her.  

I was introduced to her as they took their seats in the last pew right behind me.  At this point my mind is going hay wire, so unprepared, no questions written down to ask her at all.

I could not contain myself, it was as if I was  a kid, sitting in church constantly turning around to look at my church friend sitting in the pew behind me.  I had to..I could not resist.......I had to get as many looks as I could and capture the moment in my memory that was on overload at this point.

I must have turned w/this silly child like grin on my face a million times looking and looking. As I  looked I could feel her looking at me too.  I quickly opened my note pad I had taken into the court room w/me, attempting to write  questions down, but the words just would not appear on the paper.

As I gathered myself while the rep and birth mom were being called into the judges chambers, I could just feel my temples pulsating, as I  told myself over and over again,  make it count, make this moment for the girls count..... get all you can get, it is their story, and I am the gate keeper of it all.

Being caught off guard again, I was called to stand before the judge along w/the agency rep, and the birth mom.  Now some may say Celeste you are always calm and in control, well I'm happy you were not a fly on the wall in that court room to see the time I was having w/gathering myself.  

As we entered the judges chambers, which was right outside the court room, I don't even recall thinking this, but my hand landed on her(birth mom's) shoulder and I had to a chance to freeze time and look her in her eyes as she looked me in mine. A moment to me that  lasted a hour but in reality only lasted a quick second.  

After the judge said something I did not understand, she looked through the files and  could not find the file for the girls.....but I showed no emotion, b/c my mind at that point was on obtaining info from the birth mom, not even thinking I was not going to pass court that day!!

We were sent back to the court room as we waited for the files that never came to be sent to the judge's chambers.  Like a kid I sat constantly turning around looking for the girls features in her face. 

Holding back tears each and every time I turned to look at her.  Eventually I just let them come.  

Birth mom w/agency rep went back into the judges chambers, then agency rep was sent to a different building to obtain the files, as I watched her walk back to the court building w/an empty hand I just knew, we did not pass court!!!

There was no time to cry, ask why, or act a fool!!!! I had a much bigger agenda.  I needed a pic, I needed a close up so the girls would have a recent pic of their mom forever.  So we walked out of the court room together.  The air was cold, gloomy, and damp, and nothing but silence.  As I thought, what do I say, what do I do, the only question that came to mind was, "Is there any thing she wants to ask me?"  Well that was all it took, our conversation started.............

She had a book of baby pics of he girls, recent pics of the girls she wanted to show me, she also had no clue I would be there, how ironic is that, she would have those pics on that day.  I hugged her really tight, for a long time, cried and said I promise.........

Wait it gets better........

I stood there on the busy streets in Addis and watched her as she dashed across the street to get into the car that was waiting for her, as she blew a two handed kiss to me, and I blew one back to her.......We waved until we could no long see her.  I got back in the car and let the water fountain begin.   I cried and cried, I think I made the driver feel bad........ I hear ET don't like crying!!!!

I quickly picked my note book up, jotted down our conversation, asked the driver over and over again, to repeat what she had to said to ensure there was no detail left out.  I made sure I had every inch of detail written down.

After I got myself together, I told the driver this is my last day and I want to say good bye to the girls, this is when it gets awkward  first and then better.....

He told me the birth mom was going to visit them and go home the next day......I just knew I needed to say good bye to them, but how would the kids do w/both of us being there?  Was I being selfish to want to go back.  As I thought to myself I needed to do the right thing, and allow her time w/her children, I said to the driver thats ok, you can take us back to the hotel, he said no, its ok, you can go, I explained to him the kids may not understand, and he said no, its alright.

So off to the see the kids we went.........

Made a stop at the baby house to drop off donations.  Got to where the girls were and birth mom was not there.  I thought maybe she changed her mind.  I felt a relief lifted off me.  As I entered the area where the kids sat to eat both girls walked over to me jumped in my lap as I kissed and hugged them non-stop.  Just as I made the sign of eating and for them to return to their spot on the carpet........

The birth mom walks up the stairs..........

I moved the jacket of mine I put on the chair  so she could sit right next to me.  She put her bag down w/the photo book in it and went directly over to the girls, she kissed them, and hugged them.  then she returned to the where we were sitting.  I snapped pictures of the entire thing, batting back my tears at the same time.

Nothing but silence as the girls ate.......and we sat waiting for them to finish.......

Eventually they finished their food and came over to see their mom.  Exploring every facet of her being from her hair to the toes, I moved and sat on the floor to capture the moment on film. I was sure not to give eye contact to the girls, not knowing how me being in the same room would make them feel.......I used the camera to hide my tears.......

I could see Helina just talking 100 MPH to her mom, seems as if she was explaining her week w/me to her mom, her mom, and shaddi was in her moms arms being held like a baby....

As I watched and  took pics and video taped, it was a moment/a simple word that made my heart sink...... 

Helina, looked at me while I sat on the floor and said, "mom, come, mom sit"  She wanted me perched right there next to them!  At that moment I saw that their hearts were big enough for both her moms.  That instant, I felt a burden being lifted off my heart, b/c I felt they were ok, w/me being there.  The girls showed no difference in their reaction to me while their birth mom was there.  I was called mom and so was she, rightfully so.

So once they shared the cookies their mom gave them w/me, I called for the driver to come and translate my questions, mom questions, and her dreams and desires she has for her girls living in America.......and there started our second conversation..........

I wrote it all down!

I will not go into detail a/b our conversation, but she is fully aware that "our" girls are going to the US, and I have to say in my humble opinion amidst it all she  gave unselfishly so that her daughters could have a better opportunity in life.

I stayed w/her for two hrs......as I wished I did not have a plane to catch.......but I wanted her to spend time w/her children aside from me being there.

I was happy she was there.......the bitter sweet moment for me is when I got into the car turned to look at the steps the girls stood on to wave good-bye and  blow kisses as the car would exit the compound  daily were not standing there on that day.  You all know the drill by now....

 I got in the car as we drove up that rocky street headed back to the hotel, crying like a big baby............

More to come later........

Love Ya For Reading (LYFR)

Bump!!!

Whats been on my mind?

some may recall this post that I wrote shortly after my trip to ET.....So happy I took the time to journal this experience so that the raw emotions could live long on paper. As my days draw closer to my trip to ET, I am spending my nights thinking of you "B" the girls mother, and meeting her again. I woke this AM surfing for this post, reading each word in deep detail so that I can begin my letter to her. On my trip I will travel to Nazareth to entrench myself into the region of where my daughters are from, taking in the many sights, sounds, and the culture of the people so that I can fill them in on who they are in the years to come.

ON Aug. 13, 2009 I posted........

No not my hands, but my daughter's birth mothers hands!

Going to ET w/one or shall I say two purposes in mind, could have never really prepared me for the way this story and journey would continue to unfold!

Landed in ET on a Wednesday (Aug. 5th), found out that day I had a court date and could attend the hearing on that Monday. I thought to myself how exciting. Never crossed my mom that that birth mom to "our: daughters would also be there.

Day of court......

I was caught off guard, as I sat in the pew next to the last one, looking at her as she entered the court room w/the rep from the agency. It just took my breath away, one look and I knew it was her.

I was introduced to her as they took their seats in the last pew right behind me. At this point my mind is going hay wire, so unprepared, no questions written down to ask her at all.

I could not contain myself, it was as if I was a kid, sitting in church constantly turning around to look at my church friend sitting in the pew behind me. I had to..I could not resist.......I had to get as many looks as I could and capture the moment in my memory that was on overload at this point.

I must have turned w/this silly child like grin on my face a million times looking and looking. As I looked I could feel her looking at me too. I quickly opened my note pad I had taken into the court room w/me, attempting to write questions down, but the words just would not appear on the paper.

As I gathered myself while the rep and birth mom were being called into the judges chambers, I could just feel my temples pulsating, as I told myself over and over again, make it count, make this moment for the girls count..... get all you can get, it is their story, and I am the gate keeper of it all.

Being caught off guard again, I was called to stand before the judge along w/the agency rep, and the birth mom. Now some may say Celeste you are always calm and in control, well I'm happy you were not a fly on the wall in that court room to see the time I was having w/gathering myself.

As we entered the judges chambers, which was right outside the court room, I don't even recall thinking this, but my hand landed on her(birth mom's) shoulder and I had to a chance to freeze time and look her in her eyes as she looked me in mine. A moment to me that lasted a hour but in reality only lasted a quick second.

After the judge said something I did not understand, she looked through the files and could not find the file for the girls.....but I showed no emotion, b/c my mind at that point was on obtaining info from the birth mom, not even thinking I was not going to pass court that day!!

We were sent back to the court room as we waited for the files that never came to be sent to the judge's chambers. Like a kid I sat constantly turning around looking for the girls features in her face.

Holding back tears each and every time I turned to look at her. Eventually I just let them come.

Birth mom w/agency rep went back into the judges chambers, then agency rep was sent to a different building to obtain the files, as I watched her walk back to the court building w/an empty hand I just knew, we did not pass court!!!

There was no time to cry, ask why, or act a fool!!!! I had a much bigger agenda. I needed a pic, I needed a close up so the girls would have a recent pic of their mom forever. So we walked out of the court room together. The air was cold, gloomy, and damp, and nothing but silence. As I thought, what do I say, what do I do, the only question that came to mind was, "Is there any thing she wants to ask me?" Well that was all it took, our conversation started.............

She had a book of baby pics of he girls, recent pics of the girls she wanted to show me, she also had no clue I would be there, how ironic is that, she would have those pics on that day. I hugged her really tight, for a long time, cried and said I promise.........

Wait it gets better........

I stood there on the busy streets in Addis and watched her as she dashed across the street to get into the car that was waiting for her, as she blew a two handed kiss to me, and I blew one back to her.......We waved until we could no long see her. I got back in the car and let the water fountain begin. I cried and cried, I think I made the driver feel bad........ I hear ET don't like crying!!!!

I quickly picked my note book up, jotted down our conversation, asked the driver over and over again, to repeat what she had to said to ensure there was no detail left out. I made sure I had every inch of detail written down.

After I got myself together, I told the driver this is my last day and I want to say good bye to the girls, this is when it gets awkward first and then better.....

He told me the birth mom was going to visit them and go home the next day......I just knew I needed to say good bye to them, but how would the kids do w/both of us being there? Was I being selfish to want to go back. As I thought to myself I needed to do the right thing, and allow her time w/her children, I said to the driver thats ok, you can take us back to the hotel, he said no, its ok, you can go, I explained to him the kids may not understand, and he said no, its alright.

So off to the see the kids we went.........

Made a stop at the baby house to drop off donations. Got to where the girls were and birth mom was not there. I thought maybe she changed her mind. I felt a relief lifted off me. As I entered the area where the kids sat to eat both girls walked over to me jumped in my lap as I kissed and hugged them non-stop. Just as I made the sign of eating and for them to return to their spot on the carpet........

The birth mom walks up the stairs..........

I moved the jacket of mine I put on the chair so she could sit right next to me. She put her bag down w/the photo book in it and went directly over to the girls, she kissed them, and hugged them. then she returned to the where we were sitting. I snapped pictures of the entire thing, batting back my tears at the same time.

Nothing but silence as the girls ate.......and we sat waiting for them to finish.......

Eventually they finished their food and came over to see their mom. Exploring every facet of her being from her hair to the toes, I moved and sat on the floor to capture the moment on film. I was sure not to give eye contact to the girls, not knowing how me being in the same room would make them feel.......I used the camera to hide my tears.......

I could see Helina just talking 100 MPH to her mom, seems as if she was explaining her week w/me to her mom, her mom, and shaddi was in her moms arms being held like a baby....

As I watched and took pics and video taped, it was a moment/a simple word that made my heart sink......

Helina, looked at me while I sat on the floor and said, "mom, come, mom sit" She wanted me perched right there next to them! At that moment I saw that their hearts were big enough for both her moms. That instant, I felt a burden being lifted off my heart, b/c I felt they were ok, w/me being there. The girls showed no difference in their reaction to me while their birth mom was there. I was called mom and so was she, rightfully so.

So once they shared the cookies their mom gave them w/me, I called for the driver to come and translate my questions, mom questions, and her dreams and desires she has for her girls living in America.......and there started our second conversation..........

I wrote it all down!

I will not go into detail a/b our conversation, but she is fully aware that "our" girls are going to the US, and I have to say in my humble opinion amidst it all she gave unselfishly so that her daughters could have a better opportunity in life.

I stayed w/her for two hrs......as I wished I did not have a plane to catch.......but I wanted her to spend time w/her children aside from me being there.

I was happy she was there.......the bitter sweet moment for me is when I got into the car turned to look at the steps the girls stood on to wave good-bye and blow kisses as the car would exit the compound daily were not standing there on that day. You all know the drill by now....

I got in the car as we drove up that rocky street headed back to the hotel, crying like a big baby............

More to come later........

Love Ya For Reading (LYFR)

We Need Milk.......

I contacted the coordinator for our program after reading on Valerie's blog that there is a milk shortage in ET....Our coordinator confirmed it, not that I did not believe Valerie or anything  like that......and it seems like there is a loud cry for milk donations.  The powder soy formula

Pls. go to Valeries blog.  located on my blog under "Eyes Like Mine" and read a/b the milk shortage and DONATE MILK......

Thank you

 Those of you that are b/t agencies or looking for an agency who visits this blog, pls donate to an agency of your choice,  and find a traveling family and send the milk w/them.  Or you can contact me and I will surely guide you to the right person to speak with.

An United Front Can Move Mountains

This is a fast curve ball.....

OK, the last post only made sense to some who are on this roller coaster w/me.

Here is what is going on w/me, HS Agency, Possible early travel, New Jeresy

I'm gona "kiss"  (keep is short and sweet).

whats going on w/me....lots of very quick decisions being made, so fast it is blowing my mind

what is going on w/the HS Agency, it was revealed to me NJ does not acknowledge a Visa 4 as the adoption being full and final, NJ says your only have guardianship with a visa 4,  and the visa 4 is what I will bringing my girls back on, So I would have to cough up lots of dinero($$$$$$$$) for more HS visits until the adoption is final in the state of NJ and meet all the requirements for my state, then readopt the girls here also.  If I bring them back on a visa 3, which is a full and final adoption, the state of NJ will recognize that, and then it is hands off, can't require me to do anything extra outside of what the country requires.

The catch, I would have to go and visit them prior to the adoption being "final"  most are saying now what is the big deal, well my case is in limbo right now, meaning I don't know WTH is going on w/it and I stand a chance of not making it there to visit before the adoption is final in ET.  So, what I am doing at this very moment, multi tasking, blogging and looking flight schedules up.

So feel like I am racing to beat the clock, and it makes it much harder to navigate what to do, b/c I have no idea what is going on with the adoption.

Just feel like...

I need to be posting for the girls!!  Not that I have any spectacular news to post about! but I know as long as I can keep this blog up and running I am going to keep on posting!

Well, I think 1/5 weeks the Courts reopen, some say they reopen on the 28th of September, some say Oct. 1, 2009, but at this point, I have learned to never ink any dates in my planner, and give wiggle room when it comes to this stuff.  I see some on other boards have court dates as early as the 5th of Oct, not sure if that is the case w/my agency.

I have been shopping, I know!!! Can't help myself, outside of my faith, that is the only thing that keeps me moving! I do warn any one against it!!! Don't shop until you have passed court.  A good part of the morning was spent packing down the summer clothes!  I am safe though, the stuff would have been way to big this summer for the girls, so next summer all I need are sandals  :)

I have not gone over board (hmmm.....yes I have) but nothing like the summer stuff I brought for them. As I packed it down, I had to ask myself what were you thinking to buy all this stuff.....I now know the meaning in therapy shopping!!!! It ain't good for ya!

While over in ET, there just happened to be pics of their closet in some of the shots they saw of their room, the closet door was open in some of the shots, and the look on the girls' faces as they tried to figure out what belonged to who, was funny and exciting to watch!

My lina is a girly girl! Loves jewelry, and loves the camera! Shaddi has not figured it out yet! She just likes to fill the room w/laughter and play non-stop!

I miss them! I really do!  I am excited that a new court season is upon us, so that all those waiting parents w/my agency and other agencies can get court dates and bring their kids home, but I am mostly excited for me and the girls b/c I know that soon and very soon they be home!!! Forever!!!

ps

Angi thanks for the little piece of advice on the Halloween Costumes, I have spotted a few for dress-up when they go on sale!!!  

2nd post placement visit......already

Time sure flying when you are having fun!

Second Post Placement Visit took place yesterday! For the state I live in, I had to have a post visit 14 days upon arrival home w/the girls, and I also had to have a 3 month visit, 6 month and then the 12 month visit.  Well today was my third month visit.  Actually we have not been home for three months but they looked at the date that the adoption became final in ET and decided it was time!  I really think this agency whose doing my visits are crossing the lines b/t inter-country adoptions and over seas adoptions.  But anyway, it went well, she is a really really nice SW.

It was quick and painless, she said the girls were doing great and was shocked they were abel to answer her in English when she asked them questions.  Well they spoke w/her  during the first visi 14 days after we got home, but they were a bit shy, and reserved.  This time they were loud and answered the questions w/lots of confidence. 

She did not ask much, she spent most of her time talking to me and asking me questions.  

There are two more visits left which will take place over the next few months, and I sure will be glad when they are over. 

I think once you have your children home, you really want to follow the rules of what ever needs to be done from an agency's stand point but at the same time you just want to get on w/your life and form those circles that do not allow folks to constantly peek in to see whats going on.  I do get why it has to be done, and I know there is a need, not every adoption is such a smooth transition, but I am so ready to close this family circle up tight and get these visits done and over with.  

I think we need to get credit from the groups we are apart of b/c I tell ya, I get more info from my support groups and circle of friends I have connected w/through this entire process and feel more validity speaking w/them.  Not to say my SW is  a ding bat or any thing like that, she is really nice and sweet.  

OK, off my soap box!!!!!!!!!

Celeste

The Green Dress

I had to journal this post when it came to me! I woke this AM, saying it is time to archive this part of my journey to the girls.

Most know that my journey started out w/the dream (so I thought) of adopting a baby girl from the age of 0-12 months old. I was serious about it, and when monkey wrenches were thrown into the mix, I only moved the age requirement up by a year!

On December 22, 2008 a family w/my agency had just come from ET picking up their baby, and posted pictures of all the children that were there for all the waiting parents back in the US. In the past if pictures were posted I would only look at the babies, never the older children! However, on that night at 11PM knowing I needed to be in the bed I decided to look over the pictures really quickly.

I noticed a girlin the midst of all the kids who were hogging the camera, sitting, with two pony tails with a green dress on. I have no idea how I was able to find her in this picture, had no idea why my eyes were drawn to her, or why I all of a sudden became so interested in knowing who is this girl in the green dress?

I tried all I could do to blow the picture up, isolate her in the picture just so I could get a closer look, but all that I tried just would not work that night! So I concluded that this little girl here must have a family already!

I got in the bed, woke up 30 mins later, made a hand written journal entry about her, and emailed the coordinator of the agency asking about her.

I would wait 2 more days before I would hear any thing! but in those three days I woke and closed my eyes thinking a/b the little girl in the green dress.

Who could she be, who could be the lucky family referred this little girl, what did she really look like close up! Could this be my daughter?

On December 24th, 2008 I got an email that I was the next on the list for a referral, and the profiles for the girl in the green dress was in, however she has a sister that is way out of my age range.....would you like to see the profiles anyway?

And that is all she wrote! Within every bit of 10 mins. I said yes and yes!!!! I want her and her sister!!!!!

Beaming, thinking this is the best x-mas gift ever! I shared the news with all my friends and family members who were all elated!

As for me, I just could not stop telling the story which turned into the topic of x-mas dinner.

Knowing that things do not just happen, knowing that this was God's plan for me from the start, and seeing how it all unfolded has not only redefined my faith, but it has deepened my knowledge in how good GOD is and NOTHING HAPPENS w/o his permission. I will always have this moment planted in my head, the first sights of your child/children regarless through natural child birth and/or adoption, there is no other experience to compare to this moment. Some first time meetings are love at first sight, some are I like you at first sight, while others are you gotta grow on my at first sight, but for me and from the door it was love at first sight!!!!

I am posting the picture that I first saw my daughters in! If you look close you will see her sister standing in front of her who I did not see until my mom got out her magnifying glass and found her in the picture.


I did a whole lot of cutting to ensure there were no faces of other children in the picture! So imagine a/b six kids wanting their camera time who were in the immediate shot of the camera and my two grils in the distant back ground of the camera!

First time EVER I saw their faces!

Stinky Piece of Paper is what keeps us apart!

Not to mention a court date!

Spoke W/Agency Owner yesterday after all those that are waiting received our weekly update which may have ruined a few weekends, but I do have to say the news was up front, truthful/hurtful/stressful, however there was communication and I don't know about you guys, but I say give it to me w/o a chaser and then we can go from there! I accept and welcome the truth ALWAYS!!!

Well there is a paper that he stated that needs to singed off from the region my girls are from, however the person that needs to sign it was fired or removed from her position. So w/in the next week or two they are going to the next higher up to get this form signed, and then a court date can be assigned.

How am I feeling a/b this news? hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....numb!!!!, but so appreciative to know what is going on. I have come to grips that the girls will not be here for the holidays weeks ago. I have a calmness over me that I did not have just last week. I can say there are really highs and lows throughout this process that makes you feel like how much more can you
take, but GOD is truely in charge, and for those that know my journey and how I came a/b getting the referral of my precious daughters will agree that we plan and GOD laughs, and I know this is his desire and plan for me.

Yes at times I do need to be reminded of this, at times I do need to be reminded to keep the faith, at times I also need to be reminded nothing happens w/o his permission. So I sit and wait for this next week or so to pass, and pray that the signature that is needed comes w/in this time frame and that this leads me much closer to my girls coming home forever!

To be or Not To Be Is The Question

Not really upset, but more disappointed.  News today from Agency that those who have waited, and waited, are not the ones who received court dates this week.  The courts are assigning court dates in random order, and those who were just filed who may have waited a hot minute are the folks getting the court dates.

Not sure who they are at this point, or how far the court dates are being assigned out, but I have to continue to believe that soon and very soon..............the girls will be filed again in court!

I think each time you get news that this may not be the week you get a court date, kinda takes the wind right out of your gut.  I have so many folks on edge waiting for the courts to open so that these two precious girls of mine can be on their way, and I think I am getting to the point where maybe it is best not to say ANYTHING any more.  

This is an emotional roller coaster, AGAIN!  but I have faith!

Good News!!!

The girls got a court date!!!!!

keep praying pls.

So excited and thankful!!!!!

yall recall on November 1st I had a dream and made a post a/b it: 

If you don't here is a small part of the post!

My recent dream: I was sitting in the office of the agency I am over in ET, (I suppose). it was the same chair I sat in back in Aug. when I visited my children, and the same person who sat behind the desk was on the phone that I sat w/and talked w/back in Aug. she got off the phone and said January 23 with lot of excitement in her voice. I guess she looked at my face and saw I was not happy and said don't worry that is only 23 days away! well, this was the very first day of November when I had that dream, and from then to January is more than 23 days away.

Meaning: I have no idea, I have come up w/every rational I can think of that involves Jan and the number 23.................so all those dream 

I had a dream of a January court date, the person in my dream said the 23rd, which in January is a Saturday, so as I tried to make sense of the dream and had folks weigh in, it has come to fruition, the purpose of that dream!

I never was one to believe in dreams, but this makes me wonder, through all the raw emotions surrounding this process, there is a whisper of a higher being that gives us rest, that assures us things will work out! it is the spirit that we ask for guidance and understanding from, and I believe now more than ever if we quiet our souls for a second and listen, God truly speaks to us, through dreams, through other folks experiences, through acquired wisdom, and that inner voice of reason!

I am a believer that on November 1, 2009, God spoke to me and said "let it be".  I was just to far gone with emotion, my spirit was not still enough, to hear that he had already worked it out!!!

PS........ my court date is not to far off the mark of the number that appeared in my dreams! how sweet is that!!!

Dear Mommy's Baby Girls....

Today is a wonderful day, it is the day that marks the anniversary of sending in my application to our adoption agency, with hopes of bringing home a baby. Only God would know his plan for me and bless me with two Ethiopian Beauties.

It was this day, that I signed on the dotted line for the unknown, the unpredictable, and the roller coaster of emotions that I would have to endure throughout this entire process. I accept with honor and delight each moment that made my heart jump during this process, because it is those things that have brought me closer to the both of you. These emotions and feelings have been so unreal for me, I can not think of one thing in my life (well, maybe one, and you girlys will find out about that later ) that I have desired and wanted something so much.

I can't wait for you two ladies to understand the love all your family members and friends have for you. So many prayers are being made for both of you, it is just unbelievable the magnitude of generosity, so as you can see, we've been some praying people. Just know mommy prays each and every day that you both remain strong, keep the faith, and have an extra skip in your step each and every day.

Just know that my heat is filled with nothing but love, promise and gratefulness when I think of mommy's baby girls.

Love Mommy

PS   This has played in Mommy's ears on her Ipod for a months.  I love the Commodore Version, but I have to tell you, the Heather Headley version and Smokie Norful is just as good.  I love the lyrics and they speak to my feelings as I sum up this entire process.  

Father
Help Your children
And don't let them fall
By the side of the road, mmm...mmm...

And teach them
To love one another
That Heaven might find
A place in their hearts

'Cause Jesus is love
He won't let you down
And I know He's mine forever
Oh, in my heart

We've got to walk on
Walk on through temptation
'Cause His love and His wisdom
Will be our helpin' hand

And I know the Truth
And His words will be our salvation
Lift up our hearts
To be thankful and glad

That Jesus is love
He won't let you down
And I know He's mine
Deep down in my soul

Jesus is love
Oh, yes, He is
He won't let you down
And I know He's mine, He's mine, He's mine, He's mine, all mine
Forever, oh, in my heart
Help me, heart, heart
Ooh...ooh...

(Deep in my heart)
I know, I know, I know, I know
Ah, 'cause His love's the power (Power)
His love's the glory (Glory)
Forever (Ever and ever)

Ooh, yeah (Yeah, yeah)
Ooh, yeah (Yeah, yeah)
Ooh, yeah, yeah (Yeah, yeah)

I wanna follow your star
Wherever it leads me
And I don't mind, Lord
I hope you don't mind

I wanna walk with you
And talk with you
And do all the things you want me to do
'Cause I know that Jesus

The Offical Wait Is On And Poppin!!!!!!!!!!

As of July 16, 2008

As the saying goes in the adoption world of things.........I'm Preganet on Paper!!!!

Tomorrow my entire dossier goes to Washington, DC then off to Ethiopia, and I just sit and wait until I get the call for a baby.

Yes most call this the hard part of the entire process, which is also know as the labor pains of a traditional birth..........

Ok let me try to answer a few questions........

Have you requested a gender? Yes but I am not ready to make it public, I will wait for my referral...........not that it is a big deal or anything but I just rather wait

How long? Well I know I will get asked this question many times......Just a side note, I am running into court closings and in Ethiopia the court system does not open until mid to late October, after speaking w/the coordinator of the adoption agency there are a/b 4 families in front of me waiting for the same gender, so I should look to travel or get a referral after the new year....... So to answer the question I think I should have child in hand no later than Jan/Feb/March if not sooner...........remember it is all in GOD'S time.............

Will you plan a shower before or after you travel? I will most likely plan a baby shower after we get back when the baby is well adjusted to their new surroundings......I also want the baby to meet their new family and friends

Can we viist once baby is home? Yes/no......It is suggested that no visitors for a good 2 weeks once you are back, but this is a case by case decision.......We will most likley come and visit those that are close after the baby has time to adjust and transition into the new environment.

How long is the flight? The flight is 15+ hours long

How long will you be gone? 1 Week

well those are all the questions I have been asked and I know if I have was asked these by a few people there are others who are also curious.......

Closure.......court closure that is

Well I have to admit with the closing of the courts in ET I had a pretty hard time sleeping...

There were so many thoughts that danced through my head all night long.......

I know some are asking what does it mean when the courts close in Ethiopia......and for those that are new to the blog, here is a small break down in the life of an AP (Adoptive Parent) when we start to approach the rainy season in Ethiopia.  

Well the rainy season happens every year in ET, there is a couple of months with nothing but heavy rain down pour, and the courts close as a result, meaning the judges are on recess, something like here in the US, where the Senate is on break/vacation.

The phrase "rainy season" is very deafening to an adoptive parent who is limbo, which means there is no judge to hear the case, and nothing can move w/international adoption w/o a judge sitting to hear the case.

So for a good two months the courts are closed.  They are set to re-open from what I hear Sept. 28th, which really translates to the first full week in October. (My agency is saying Oct. 1). 

Some may say well thats not to far off.......but for an adoptive parent those two months, can feel like years.....

Me waiting for court date number 6, allows all types of things to  run through my head, and only allows me to prepare for the next set of rules that may come about as a result of the recess/closings.  Ethiopia is forever trying to better their system and ensure things stay ethical and legal, and I can't fight them on that, I really appreciate it, but they can also make things seem in my mind difficult.  For example in my case......what they require now, should have been something they required during one of the last 4 scheduled court dates, not wait until court date number 5, the week of court closings to say....BTW, we need this!!!!

I know any thing worth having is absolutely worth waiting and fighting for at all cost......and if the next month directs me to wait........then waiting I will do......

I played the lottery, hoping to hit it big so I could return to Ethiopia and just wait there with the girls!!!!  :)  

Sounds like a plan to me...now I just need to WIN!!!!!

LYFR

Celeste

Update!?

Well there was no update this week from the agency.  There was some movement for others on the boards.  Always happy to see that.  

Still Praying!

Celeste

Still No News!

Need I say more?

But I do want to share a few dreams that I have had along this journey! I have only had dreams a/b my kids a total of 3 times. Each bearing great level of significance.

My Dream: Most will recall that my request started out for a baby girl 0-12 months. Well prior to getting my referral I had a dream that I was some where don't know where I just assumed ET, and in my hands, although I could not see the face of this child, was a baby. wrapped in a thick wool like blanket, and there were older kids that circled me, trying to take the baby out of my arms. I held the baby in one arm, and used the other arm to try to keep the children at bay.


Meaning: Well shortly after that dream, which I payed no attention to, makes me feel that was a conversation GOD was having w/me to say my child you planned for a baby but this is what I have for you, not a baby, but a 3year old angel with a precious older sister.

Dream: Not knowing my labor adoption pains would be this severe, assuming you get a court date, pass, bring the kids home, then live happily after, was also not part of my journey or something that would not happen for me. As most of you know this is indeed a journey that continues almost 1 whole year post-referral. Well I had a dream can't really recall all the details of this dream but it was the faces of my girls that played almost like a slide show in my mind, when I shared my dream w/RH, she stated well that was them telling you not to give up! certainly unaware all the detours that waiting for me ahead.

Meaning: I had no idea the twist and turns that would take place in this process. In constant questions mode, I wold ask GOD how much more of this can I take, or what do you need me to do before you allow them to come home? I found the answers to not be as clear as I would like, however, it was my dream where the blue print of my adoption jounrey was written, it would be my adoption journey, unlike many, however, at the same time very much so like the journey of others. Prior to my trip in August there were thoughts and self talks with myself that maybe GOD does not have this in his plan for me along with thoughts of giving up!!!

My recent dream: I was sitting in the office of the agency I am over in ET, (I suppose). it was the same chair I sat in back in Aug. when I visited my children, and the same person who sat behind the desk was on the phone that I sat w/and talked w/back in Aug. she got off the phone and said January 23 with lot of excitement in her voice. I guess she looked at my face and saw I was not happy and said don't worry that is only 23 days away! well, this was the very first day of November when I had that dream, and from then to January is more than 23 days away.

Meaning: I have no idea, I have come up w/every rational I can think of that involves Jan and the number 23.................so all those dream

interpreters out there I am willing to hear what u have to say................

Another Quote (reflection)

Last night I had a really good conversation w/a member of Hope Adoption Agency, who brought her baby girl home in March. We were really having a good conversation. when the conversation ended, amoung other important things that we talked about, there was one thing that I woke up thinking about this moroning.

"If you have never been touched by adoption, you don't understand"

Thank you Shane S.

One More Check Off The List For The Dossier

Another check off the list.....................

I did not know I had to get a 2nd police check.


I thought the first one would be good enough so I guess the HS agency needed their own copy and the Dossier needed their own speical copy. So I am on my way to get that done w/the sad story and long face.

Strike one and Now I'm ready

hmmm....I have to say I held it together up until 2Am....I walked the floors, ate watermelon, drank water and ran to the bathroom all night long!

I counted eight hours ahead of our time each time the clock struck a different hour on the tips of my fingers, all nervous energy. I imagined w/o even have full knowledge what all was taking place during the court hearing!! Well I got the call that we did not make it today :(

Am I sad? was the magic question today, and to tell the truth I don't know how I feel, I kinda prepared myself for this, even though in my heart I wanted to hear YOU PASSED! but most of all I could hear the words of my father in my ear. Well you see, he use to coach baseball, little league not the BIG league (LOL) and he would always encourage the players after the umpire yelled STRIKE!! would say, "Now Ya Ready" keep your eye on the ball! I mean my eyes are on my girls, but I hope we know what they want and have it ready for the next court date, so there will be NO strike 2!

After hearing I did not pass court today, I had no bad feelings, I was not drama filled upset, didn't do the ugly cry (mouth open, no words coming out). Sure I want my girls home, sure I want to love on them and mother them, but knowing they are fed, safe, have a place to lay their heads, loving care givers, what more can a mother ask for?

I find a great deal of comfort knowing that many fellow AP from my agency will be there soon to give them the hugs and kisses in my absence, and maybe even try to tell them a bit about their mom here in the USA.

I know my girls are coming home may not be in my time, but in all due time!

I wish for them to keep the faith and stay strong, now I'm taking my own advice!

Final HS Over

It was a walk in the park..................


Another check off the list.....................

Final HS is over!!!! Yes

I can only sit and wait for it to be completed and sent to me, so the next steps can take place

I have only 6 more items needed for the dossier w/4 of them coming from the HS agency.

So the way I see it, I should start making a "BBL" (before the baby list) of all the things that need to done in the house that I know I won't have time to do once we are home and a list of all the places I want to go, resturants I want to eat out before the baby comes.

Like clean closets, finally unpacke the rest of my moving boxes that have been in the closet for almost 2 yrs now.