Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
It wasn't so bad....now w/the "Big" one around the corner...
W/-xmas around the corner I only hope and pray that it will be as easy to get through as Thanksgiving was. I think being around family helped a whole lot. Not sure what I am doing this x-mas at this point.
I have to say it is hard, hard, hard, and everyone thought they(the girls) would have been here and looked forward to seeing them for thanksgiving. I just hope it is in Gods' plan to to allow for next year all that were in attendance this year to be there next year to meet their cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, and family friends.
X-mas happens to be one of my favorite holidays, the other is my birthday, yeah you read that right, a regular day to you and major holiday to me. :)
Lina and Shaddi's b-days are just a couple weeks away. I often ask myself how do I plan to celebrate their existence, although we are thousands, and thousands miles away? Not sure yet! but I personally feel pink and fussy when it comes to birthdays, regardless if it is the first, second, third, or 90th birthday. I feel a kid should be a kid and Each birthday should be celebrated to the fullest, yeah I want the cake on the face pics, where they can barely hold their heads up at the table, b/c they ran around so hard during their party and momma won't let them NOT cut the cake, yup! I want to get upset b/c the kids are running through the house breaking my stuff. yup! I want to say a thousand times, nope, no more parties after the house is turned upside down, and find myself full force in the planing phrase the same time next year, yup! I also want to look back years from now at pictures and movies and enjoy the moments that my girls were allowed to be "children" and do what "children" do. I know that in ET, birthdays are not really celebrated. I know this is an American thing!
I have to say it is hard, hard, hard, and everyone thought they(the girls) would have been here and looked forward to seeing them for thanksgiving. I just hope it is in Gods' plan to to allow for next year all that were in attendance this year to be there next year to meet their cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, and family friends.
X-mas happens to be one of my favorite holidays, the other is my birthday, yeah you read that right, a regular day to you and major holiday to me. :)
Lina and Shaddi's b-days are just a couple weeks away. I often ask myself how do I plan to celebrate their existence, although we are thousands, and thousands miles away? Not sure yet! but I personally feel pink and fussy when it comes to birthdays, regardless if it is the first, second, third, or 90th birthday. I feel a kid should be a kid and Each birthday should be celebrated to the fullest, yeah I want the cake on the face pics, where they can barely hold their heads up at the table, b/c they ran around so hard during their party and momma won't let them NOT cut the cake, yup! I want to get upset b/c the kids are running through the house breaking my stuff. yup! I want to say a thousand times, nope, no more parties after the house is turned upside down, and find myself full force in the planing phrase the same time next year, yup! I also want to look back years from now at pictures and movies and enjoy the moments that my girls were allowed to be "children" and do what "children" do. I know that in ET, birthdays are not really celebrated. I know this is an American thing!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Updated HS and many unexpected and unaccounted $$$'s later!
Today in the mail was my updated HS that expired back in May. I fought tooth and nail to keep from paying another red penny to my HS agency for a new updated HS, however, in the end they won!
It conjured so many memories/emotions when I pulled the 4 certified copies of my HS update from the mailbox this afternoon.
I learned today, no matter how emotionally removed, how disgusted you become w/this process, the things you have control over that eventually brings you closer to your children can still put a smile on your face, and a quick prayer to GOD, thanking him for the things you know for sure are truly in your control. Thank you
Today I opened my heart nice and wide and asked the lord:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
It conjured so many memories/emotions when I pulled the 4 certified copies of my HS update from the mailbox this afternoon.
I learned today, no matter how emotionally removed, how disgusted you become w/this process, the things you have control over that eventually brings you closer to your children can still put a smile on your face, and a quick prayer to GOD, thanking him for the things you know for sure are truly in your control. Thank you
Today I opened my heart nice and wide and asked the lord:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Still No News!
Need I say more?
But I do want to share a few dreams that I have had along this journey! I have only had dreams a/b my kids a total of 3 times. Each bearing great level of significance.
My Dream: Most will recall that my request started out for a baby girl 0-12 months. Well prior to getting my referral I had a dream that I was some where don't know where I just assumed ET, and in my hands, although I could not see the face of this child, was a baby. wrapped in a thick wool like blanket, and there were older kids that circled me, trying to take the baby out of my arms. I held the baby in one arm, and used the other arm to try to keep the children at bay.
Meaning: Well shortly after that dream, which I payed no attention to, makes me feel that was a conversation GOD was having w/me to say my child you planned for a baby but this is what I have for you, not a baby, but a 3year old angel with a precious older sister.
Dream: Not knowing my labor adoption pains would be this severe, assuming you get a court date, pass, bring the kids home, then live happily after, was also not part of my journey or something that would not happen for me. As most of you know this is indeed a journey that continues almost 1 whole year post-referral. Well I had a dream can't really recall all the details of this dream but it was the faces of my girls that played almost like a slide show in my mind, when I shared my dream w/RH, she stated well that was them telling you not to give up! certainly unaware all the detours that waiting for me ahead.
Meaning: I had no idea the twist and turns that would take place in this process. In constant questions mode, I wold ask GOD how much more of this can I take, or what do you need me to do before you allow them to come home? I found the answers to not be as clear as I would like, however, it was my dream where the blue print of my adoption jounrey was written, it would be my adoption journey, unlike many, however, at the same time very much so like the journey of others. Prior to my trip in August there were thoughts and self talks with myself that maybe GOD does not have this in his plan for me along with thoughts of giving up!!!
My recent dream: I was sitting in the office of the agency I am over in ET, (I suppose). it was the same chair I sat in back in Aug. when I visited my children, and the same person who sat behind the desk was on the phone that I sat w/and talked w/back in Aug. she got off the phone and said January 23 with lot of excitement in her voice. I guess she looked at my face and saw I was not happy and said don't worry that is only 23 days away! well, this was the very first day of November when I had that dream, and from then to January is more than 23 days away.
Meaning: I have no idea, I have come up w/every rational I can think of that involves Jan and the number 23.................so all those dream
interpreters out there I am willing to hear what u have to say................
But I do want to share a few dreams that I have had along this journey! I have only had dreams a/b my kids a total of 3 times. Each bearing great level of significance.
My Dream: Most will recall that my request started out for a baby girl 0-12 months. Well prior to getting my referral I had a dream that I was some where don't know where I just assumed ET, and in my hands, although I could not see the face of this child, was a baby. wrapped in a thick wool like blanket, and there were older kids that circled me, trying to take the baby out of my arms. I held the baby in one arm, and used the other arm to try to keep the children at bay.
Meaning: Well shortly after that dream, which I payed no attention to, makes me feel that was a conversation GOD was having w/me to say my child you planned for a baby but this is what I have for you, not a baby, but a 3year old angel with a precious older sister.
Dream: Not knowing my labor adoption pains would be this severe, assuming you get a court date, pass, bring the kids home, then live happily after, was also not part of my journey or something that would not happen for me. As most of you know this is indeed a journey that continues almost 1 whole year post-referral. Well I had a dream can't really recall all the details of this dream but it was the faces of my girls that played almost like a slide show in my mind, when I shared my dream w/RH, she stated well that was them telling you not to give up! certainly unaware all the detours that waiting for me ahead.
Meaning: I had no idea the twist and turns that would take place in this process. In constant questions mode, I wold ask GOD how much more of this can I take, or what do you need me to do before you allow them to come home? I found the answers to not be as clear as I would like, however, it was my dream where the blue print of my adoption jounrey was written, it would be my adoption journey, unlike many, however, at the same time very much so like the journey of others. Prior to my trip in August there were thoughts and self talks with myself that maybe GOD does not have this in his plan for me along with thoughts of giving up!!!
My recent dream: I was sitting in the office of the agency I am over in ET, (I suppose). it was the same chair I sat in back in Aug. when I visited my children, and the same person who sat behind the desk was on the phone that I sat w/and talked w/back in Aug. she got off the phone and said January 23 with lot of excitement in her voice. I guess she looked at my face and saw I was not happy and said don't worry that is only 23 days away! well, this was the very first day of November when I had that dream, and from then to January is more than 23 days away.
Meaning: I have no idea, I have come up w/every rational I can think of that involves Jan and the number 23.................so all those dream
interpreters out there I am willing to hear what u have to say................
Sunday, November 15, 2009
I heard a whisper and this is what it said........
There will be mountains that I will have to climb
And there will be battles that I will have to fight
But victory all defeat, it's up to me to decide
But how can I expect to win If I never try.
I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me
Never said there wouldn't be trials
Never said I would't fall
Never said that everything would go the way I want it to go
But when my back is against the wall
And i feel all hope is gone,
I'll just lift my head up to the sky
And say help me to be strong
I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me
[Hook:]
No you didn't bring me out here to leave me lonely
Even when I can't see clearly
I know that you are with me(so I can't)
I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Update!?
Well there was no update this week from the agency. There was some movement for others on the boards. Always happy to see that.
Still Praying!
Celeste
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Powerful! Got This As An Email Last Night, and God Knows I Needed It!
YOU SAY | GOD SAYS | BIBLE VERSES |
You say: 'It's impossible' | God says: All things are possible | (Luke 18:27) |
You say: 'I'm too tired' | God says: I will give you rest | (Matthew 11:28-30) |
You say: 'Nobody really loves me' | God says: I love you | (John 3:1 6 & John 3:34 ) |
You say: 'I can't go on' | God says: My grace is sufficient | (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15) |
You say: 'I can't figure things out' | God says: I will direct your steps | (Proverbs 3:5- 6) |
You say: 'I can't do it' | God says: You can do all things | ( Philippians 4:13) |
You say: 'I'm not able' | God says: I am able | (II Corinthians 9:8) |
You say: 'It's not worth it' | God says: It will be worth it | (Roman 8:28 ) |
You say: 'I can't forgive my self' | God says: I Forgive you | (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1) |
You say: 'I can't manage' | God says: I will supply all your needs | ( Philippians 4:19) |
You say: 'I'm afraid' | God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear | (II Timothy 1:7) |
You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated' | God says: Cast all your cares on ME | (I Peter 5:7) |
You say: 'I'm not smart enough' | God says: I give you wisdom | (I Corinthians 1:30) |
You say: 'I feel all alone' | God says: I will never leave you or forsake you | (Hebrews 13:5) |
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Stinky Piece of Paper is what keeps us apart!
Not to mention a court date!
Spoke W/Agency Owner yesterday after all those that are waiting received our weekly update which may have ruined a few weekends, but I do have to say the news was up front, truthful/hurtful/stressful, however there was communication and I don't know about you guys, but I say give it to me w/o a chaser and then we can go from there! I accept and welcome the truth ALWAYS!!!
Well there is a paper that he stated that needs to singed off from the region my girls are from, however the person that needs to sign it was fired or removed from her position. So w/in the next week or two they are going to the next higher up to get this form signed, and then a court date can be assigned.
How am I feeling a/b this news? hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....numb!!!!, but so appreciative to know what is going on. I have come to grips that the girls will not be here for the holidays weeks ago. I have a calmness over me that I did not have just last week. I can say there are really highs and lows throughout this process that makes you feel like how much more can you
take, but GOD is truely in charge, and for those that know my journey and how I came a/b getting the referral of my precious daughters will agree that we plan and GOD laughs, and I know this is his desire and plan for me.
Yes at times I do need to be reminded of this, at times I do need to be reminded to keep the faith, at times I also need to be reminded nothing happens w/o his permission. So I sit and wait for this next week or so to pass, and pray that the signature that is needed comes w/in this time frame and that this leads me much closer to my girls coming home forever!
Spoke W/Agency Owner yesterday after all those that are waiting received our weekly update which may have ruined a few weekends, but I do have to say the news was up front, truthful/hurtful/stressful, however there was communication and I don't know about you guys, but I say give it to me w/o a chaser and then we can go from there! I accept and welcome the truth ALWAYS!!!
Well there is a paper that he stated that needs to singed off from the region my girls are from, however the person that needs to sign it was fired or removed from her position. So w/in the next week or two they are going to the next higher up to get this form signed, and then a court date can be assigned.
How am I feeling a/b this news? hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....numb!!!!, but so appreciative to know what is going on. I have come to grips that the girls will not be here for the holidays weeks ago. I have a calmness over me that I did not have just last week. I can say there are really highs and lows throughout this process that makes you feel like how much more can you
take, but GOD is truely in charge, and for those that know my journey and how I came a/b getting the referral of my precious daughters will agree that we plan and GOD laughs, and I know this is his desire and plan for me.
Yes at times I do need to be reminded of this, at times I do need to be reminded to keep the faith, at times I also need to be reminded nothing happens w/o his permission. So I sit and wait for this next week or so to pass, and pray that the signature that is needed comes w/in this time frame and that this leads me much closer to my girls coming home forever!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I Need Your Help
I got this great Idea after Renee S. (AP w/my agnecy)out of the clear blue sky sent me the most precious card encouraging me to hang in there. I thought it was the sweetest thing in a long time I had received in the mail. It wasn't expected, and it was just the words I needed to hear. it was hand written w/a big old bright sun on the front of the card, symbolizing in my head the sun will come out no matter what keep pusing through. I read the card while crying thinking of the reason she sent it and that there are really sweet thoughtful folks in the world. So as I looked and looked at this card placed on my coffee table knowing this would be the a keepsake for the girls..........
I am putting together a photo/scrapbook for the girls while I continue to wait. I have gotten so much love on FB and on this blog from friends and complete strangers who know the power in prayer. I have been told once the girls are home this portion of the process will be so far away from my mind that it wont matter..........I find it hard to beleive but I am trusting those that have beein in the same postion I am in now who are now home w/their child/children.
I am asking that you write my girls a note, you can leave it on the blog, or send it to me through the mail so it can be added to their scrapebook/photobook. I want to show the girls once they are able to fully understand how many folks loved them, and prayed them home.
Not only am I blessed to have found so many freinds through this journey who either know my daughters personally, or who know them simply from watching from afar experiencing along w/me the raw set of emotions that have settled in the bottom of my heart while waiting on their journey to America. I know there are lots of folks who visit the blog and don't leave comments so I am asking that you leave a love note full of promise, hope, and faith so the girls will forever have and remeber your sweet words. PS add the state you are writing from.
Thank you
ps if u need my address send me an email
lessycurls@aol.com
I am putting together a photo/scrapbook for the girls while I continue to wait. I have gotten so much love on FB and on this blog from friends and complete strangers who know the power in prayer. I have been told once the girls are home this portion of the process will be so far away from my mind that it wont matter..........I find it hard to beleive but I am trusting those that have beein in the same postion I am in now who are now home w/their child/children.
I am asking that you write my girls a note, you can leave it on the blog, or send it to me through the mail so it can be added to their scrapebook/photobook. I want to show the girls once they are able to fully understand how many folks loved them, and prayed them home.
Not only am I blessed to have found so many freinds through this journey who either know my daughters personally, or who know them simply from watching from afar experiencing along w/me the raw set of emotions that have settled in the bottom of my heart while waiting on their journey to America. I know there are lots of folks who visit the blog and don't leave comments so I am asking that you leave a love note full of promise, hope, and faith so the girls will forever have and remeber your sweet words. PS add the state you are writing from.
Thank you
ps if u need my address send me an email
lessycurls@aol.com
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