Update!

Hello

I feel like I never left this blog for an entire week, thanks to Black Berry! I think as much as I like the new addiction, it is a a blessing and a curse. To balance things out I turn it off, turn it on, turn it off, turn it on, too afraid I'm missing something. I even noticed how unfocused I was when the alert would go off that I had a message/email/test in the midst of a conversation my attention would go to the BB......I got on my own nerves being on that phone, not to mention I have a sore thumb from texting all the darn time.

Anyway enough at the BB, thank you to everyone that reached out to me on the blog, and on the phone, my dad is recovering, and the doctors are really pleased w/his progress. It was a very eventful and emotional week for me as so many things took place. It has been seven years since my dad was dx with kidney disease, which he receives hemo three times a week. I will continue to keep everyone posted on his progress.



I received so many pictures of the girls which made me smile and they could not come at a better time. I really needed to see them. I can say they are growing before my eyes. I compared the pics from referral time to now and they getting older, but still so sweet and cute, lovable, and adorable....

One other thing that lifed my spirits is that I spoke with Diann, another AP who just returned a week or so ago from picking her daughter Jacinda up who also knows my daughter very well. I had an opportunity to speak with Jacinda on the phone, and asked her a few questions a/b the girls, and it really touched my heart, to talk with someone from my daughters country, and for her to understand for the most part of what I said to her, she is really a sweet little girl w/a sweet sounding voice and really cute accent. These are the things that take your breath away. Diann, Aimee, and Kathleen did a wonderful job w/all the photos I received, thank you so much.

Celeste

My Daddy Got a Kidney

God is good all the time!!!

He got a kidney!!! A day before my mom's birthday!


Yes!!!

Will be leaving for NC soon

It needs to be celebrated too!

Well I have spoken with a PAP(Robbin) for almost a year now, she had to remind of that the other day!, and in our many conversations we talked a/b the mile stones once crossed what we would do!! For me it was the changing of my blog background to show growth, movement, sadness, and happiness.

As most of you know, my girls, did not make it/pass court on the 18th of May, and as strong as I was on that day, and as much as I prepared myself for the decision to go both ways, it was not until day 2(the next day) where I was really feeling it.

The power was out over in ET and we could not find out what and why they did not make it! I must have come up with every reason in the book, even scanned through other blogs w/families who have children from the same region as my girls, looking for answers of how things could have gone wrong. My mind was going at 100MPH.

I had to remind myself while in the spinning my wheels of the old saying "Peace Be Still" and that is what I did, I sat still and waited for the answers to come, and they did. I now know why they did not pass. While sitting steal I posted on the blog the first day, b/c after all this is a journal for me but mostly for my girls.

the days after that, I decided to wait to post and not change anything on the blog and just pray, pray and pray some more !While being alone able to hear my own thoughts, I came to realize that how dare I not celebrate the fact the case went before the judge and celebrate the importance of that event! How dare I, only want to post a/b passing, and passing only!

Given the climate of ET adoptions right now I have lots to be thankful for, I think we all get so caught up in passing that we miss the little things that are also apart of our child/childrens' journey to us.

How could I not document the fact my girls were/are a step closer to being home. I had to get pass myself and feelings, which I did really quickly to take notice that this (May 18th) is a day that needs to be talked, written and blogged about. I have had good friends surround me, from afar, b/c it is those friends(from the adoption world), that can truly know the struggles of this process/journey. I know my girls will come home and this has sustained me through the process.

So I celebrate the good, bad, and the ugly.

Celeste

Strike one and Now I'm ready

hmmm....I have to say I held it together up until 2Am....I walked the floors, ate watermelon, drank water and ran to the bathroom all night long!

I counted eight hours ahead of our time each time the clock struck a different hour on the tips of my fingers, all nervous energy. I imagined w/o even have full knowledge what all was taking place during the court hearing!! Well I got the call that we did not make it today :(

Am I sad? was the magic question today, and to tell the truth I don't know how I feel, I kinda prepared myself for this, even though in my heart I wanted to hear YOU PASSED! but most of all I could hear the words of my father in my ear. Well you see, he use to coach baseball, little league not the BIG league (LOL) and he would always encourage the players after the umpire yelled STRIKE!! would say, "Now Ya Ready" keep your eye on the ball! I mean my eyes are on my girls, but I hope we know what they want and have it ready for the next court date, so there will be NO strike 2!

After hearing I did not pass court today, I had no bad feelings, I was not drama filled upset, didn't do the ugly cry (mouth open, no words coming out). Sure I want my girls home, sure I want to love on them and mother them, but knowing they are fed, safe, have a place to lay their heads, loving care givers, what more can a mother ask for?

I find a great deal of comfort knowing that many fellow AP from my agency will be there soon to give them the hugs and kisses in my absence, and maybe even try to tell them a bit about their mom here in the USA.

I know my girls are coming home may not be in my time, but in all due time!

I wish for them to keep the faith and stay strong, now I'm taking my own advice!

Room Pics....I was a busy bee today

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

The dolls in blue are Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle
The doll that is pictued solo is a doll representing Kenya, these dolls are all well over 10 years old and passed down from my little sister.

Recall this room was for a baby girl when I fist started, however things turned around and the room was revamped for my (big) baby girls.

HOURS OF SEPERATION

Helina & El ~Shaday,

Well sweeties, there are hours that literally seperate us.

While mommy is sleeping and you girls are playing in the

court yard a judge will hear our case and decide if

now is the right time for us to be united. I mean he decides on paper,

but GOD makes the ultimate decision. I have lots of nervous energy as I

type this letter, not so much out of fear or the unknown of what tomorrow will

bring, but out of pure joy and happiness, of a journey that can only be survived by sheer determination,

an unconditional love in your heart, and a desire to do GOD's will. I wish I could express all that is in my heart today, but

what I can't express here, just know mommy has a hand written journal she is keeping for you ladies also

Just know I prayed for you young ladies even before I knew who you were, I haven't stopped praying, and today/ tonight will

be no different. I ask that my sweeties continue to hold tight,

keep the faith, and know that there are only hours that separate us! No matter what happens tomorrow.

I think of you ladies all the time, but here is what

makes my day, Helina, I think of that coco brown

skin of yours, I think of maturity you exhibit in

your posture, your eyes that draw me closer and closer

each and every time I see pics of you, that HAIR!!

El ~Shaday, I think of those dimples, those pics

with your hands on your hips and I say, Momma is

in for a real treat! I think of all the hugs and kisses I

want to give you girls, and above all, I feel my heart as

it fills w/emotion when I think of how much joy you girls

have brought to my life from afar!

There are so many people praying for you ladies...Your Grandmothers are praying, your uncles are praying

your aunties are praying, your momma co-workers are praying, your momma distant blog friends are

praying, all the unknown calendars that belong to folks that momma marked up for the 18th of May are praying for ya!

Love Mommy

Graduation pics

Here is mommy on her way to graduation before the humidty and heat got the best of my hair!!

When Your Hand Is In The Lions Mouth.......

You Gotta Ease It Out!!!!

1

I'll Trust You Lord (10 more days) Week 1 & 2 combined

(verse) 

even though i can’t see 

and i can’t feel your touch 

i will trust you lord 

how i love you so much 

though my nights my seem long 

and i feel so alone 

lord my trust is in you 

i surrender to you 

(bridge) 

so many painful thoughts 

travel through my mind 

and i wonder how 

i will make it through this time 

(chorus) 

but i trust you 

lord it’s not easy 

sometimes the pain in my life 

makes you seem far away 

but i’ll trust you 

i need to know you’re here 

through the tears and the pain 

through the heartache and rain 

i’ll trust you 

(verse 2) 

everything that i see 

tells me not to believe 

but i’ll trust you lord 

you have never failed me 

my past still controls me 

will this hurt ever leave? 

i can only trust you 

no one else like you do 

(bridge) 

(chorus) 

(vamp) 

***i can 

i will 

i must 

trust you **repeat** 

***i will 

trust you ***repeat*** 

(modulate) 

***i will 

trust you ***repeat*** 

(modulate) 

***i’ll trust you (x3) 

i will***repeat*** 

god will make a way (x4)

Sick day....Today and Tomorrow!! Yes!

I have to tell you, that this Swine Flu has got everyone on edge, I am sick as a dog, well I should say I have this horrible cough, lots of chest congestion, and now that I think a/b it I have coughed off and on for well over 2 months, but away, I said after last night this was it, I was going to the DR, coughing up clots of mucus w/blood mixed in was enough to make me go the doctor, (I know TMI).

Well anyway, she had to fit me in being I had no apt. I sat in the waiting room for a good hour, coughed the entire time, even got so bad I was doing the cough where u almost throw up!!!

when I got to the waiting room there was standing room only, as my cough intensifed the room began to clear out, people started standing the in the halls, those that remained started covering their nose and mouth w/their hands as if something smelled fishy!!!

Now when I did the cough w/the almost throw up part.... you know, when you cough so much it feels like your guts are in your throat, and you start to gag!!! yeah that one!!! I really cleared the room out!! LOL

I would think the Dr. would get me in and out in a hurry, but no, I sat there for a good hour, then sat in the back for a good 45 mins. before she came in to see me, well I couldn't complain, I had no apt, and I needed my meds!!!

I just had a laughing good old time watching folks, who I know in my own little head were talking a/b me in their language or whispering to each other a/b the girl in the waiting room who must have something contagious!!! :)

Anyway I will live another 100 years, lungs are clear, but I am wheezing, I have a pump for that, I have an antibotic for the infection in the chest, and a cough syrup that is going to knock me out, and the best part!!! I get to stay home for 2 days.....Away from the KIDS!!! who obviously made me sick in the first place!!!

Robbin I got my MET!!!!

Something I actually love to do....

Holiday plate w/all the trimmings!! Yummy

Battered Fish!!!

Seasoned Shrimp!!!

Veggie Salad!!! Yummy

well now that things are calming down for me as far as school is concerned I am getting back to something I really enjoy doing.....COOKING. I tell people all the time w/my folks from the south, I learned to cook, and clean even before I learned my numbers and alphabets.

I am at peace when I cook, quiet in my own thoughts. I am amazed of how food can bring people together, and how they seem to enjoy just a/b anything I put my hands on!!! Now, I am not an extravagant cook by any stretch of the imagination!!! But what I cook, and when I cook, I "throws" down!!

Recently I was called on the carpet by a HS friend who I speak w/on facebook, and I had to post a few pics to show him what I was working with!!! So here is a double posting w/some a plate from the holidays......